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3710 lines
160 KiB
Plaintext
title: Alice in Wonderland
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tags: external-text
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//Included here as a demonstration of ExternalText text support. See the bottom for the license from Project Gutenberg//
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---
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# ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
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## Lewis Carroll
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THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
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!!! CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
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Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
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bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
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book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
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it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or
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conversations?'
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So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
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hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure
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of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
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picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
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close by her.
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There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
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VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!
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Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
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occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
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it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
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OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
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Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
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never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch
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to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
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after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
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rabbit-hole under the hedge.
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In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
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in the world she was to get out again.
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The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
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dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
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about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
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well.
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Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
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plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
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going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
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she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
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looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
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cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
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hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as
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she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
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disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
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of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
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she fell past it.
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'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall
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think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
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home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
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of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)
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Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how
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many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting
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somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
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thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
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things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
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was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there
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was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)
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'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
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or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or
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Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
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Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the
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earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
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their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad
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there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
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right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
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is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and
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she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
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through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an
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ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to
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ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
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Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
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talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'
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(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at
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tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no
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mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very
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like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice
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began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
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sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do
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bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
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it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing
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off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
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Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:
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did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon
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a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
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Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
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she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
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long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
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There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and
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was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears
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and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she
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turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
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herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
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from the roof.
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There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
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Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
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door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
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get out again.
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Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
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glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's
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first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
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but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
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but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
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time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
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behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
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little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
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Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
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much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage
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into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of
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that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
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those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the
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doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it
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would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could
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shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.'
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For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
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that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really
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impossible.
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There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
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back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
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any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
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time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here
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before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
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label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large
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letters.
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It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was
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not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and
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see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice
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little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
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beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
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the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
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poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
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finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
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forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is
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almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
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However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste
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it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour
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of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot
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buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
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* * * * * * *
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* * * * * *
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* * * * * * *
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'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a
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telescope.'
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And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
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brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
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through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
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waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
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she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said
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Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
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what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
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candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
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ever having seen such a thing.
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After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
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into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
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door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
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went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
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it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
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best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
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and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
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sat down and cried.
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'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,
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rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally
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gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
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and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
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her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
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cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
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for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
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'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!
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Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'
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Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
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she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
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'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said
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Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
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makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll
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get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
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She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which
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way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
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growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
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size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
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had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
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things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on
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in the common way.
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So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
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* * * * * * *
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* * * * * *
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* * * * * * *
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!!! CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
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'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
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for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm
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opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
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(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
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sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
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who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
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_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
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myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be
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kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
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to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
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And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must
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go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending
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presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
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ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
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HEARTHRUG,
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NEAR THE FENDER,
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(WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
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Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
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Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
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now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
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key and hurried off to the garden door.
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Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
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look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
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hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
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'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like
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you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this
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moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
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tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches
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deep and reaching half down the hall.
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After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
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she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
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Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in
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one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
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hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!
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Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so
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desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
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came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'
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The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
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and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
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Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
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kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How
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queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
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I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
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same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a
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little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who
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in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking
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over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
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see if she could have been changed for any of them.
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'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long
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ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't
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be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
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very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling
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it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me
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see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
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four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
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However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
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London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
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Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for
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Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her
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hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,
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but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the
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same as they used to do:--
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'How doth the little crocodile
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Improve his shining tail,
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And pour the waters of the Nile
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On every golden scale!
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'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
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How neatly spread his claws,
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And welcome little fishes in
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With gently smiling jaws!'
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'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes
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filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and
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I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
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no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've
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made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
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use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I
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shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
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if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here
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till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst
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of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
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of being all alone here!'
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As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
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that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while
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she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must
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be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure
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herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
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about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found
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out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped
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it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
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'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
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sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and
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now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:
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but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
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lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'
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thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!
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And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
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As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
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she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she
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had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by
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railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
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her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
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to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
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sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
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of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
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made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she
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was nine feet high.
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'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying
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to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
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being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!
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However, everything is queer to-day.'
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Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
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off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
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it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
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she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
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slipped in like herself.
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'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?
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Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
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likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she
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began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
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of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right
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way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
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she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of
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a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather
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inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
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but it said nothing.
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'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's
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a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all
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her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
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anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which
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was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
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sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
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'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt
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the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
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'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would
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YOU like cats if you were me?'
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'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry
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about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd
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take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet
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thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
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pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and
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washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's
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such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried
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Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she
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felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any
|
|
more if you'd rather not.'
|
|
|
|
'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
|
|
tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED
|
|
cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
|
|
|
|
'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
|
|
conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not
|
|
answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near
|
|
our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
|
|
know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
|
|
you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
|
|
of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,
|
|
you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
|
|
says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful
|
|
tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming
|
|
away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in
|
|
the pool as it went.
|
|
|
|
So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
|
|
won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the
|
|
Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its
|
|
face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
|
|
trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
|
|
history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
|
|
|
|
It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
|
|
birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
|
|
a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
|
|
way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
|
|
|
|
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
|
|
birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
|
|
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
|
|
|
|
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
|
|
consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
|
|
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had
|
|
known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the
|
|
Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than
|
|
you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without
|
|
knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its
|
|
age, there was no more to be said.
|
|
|
|
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
|
|
called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
|
|
dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
|
|
in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
|
|
sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
|
|
|
|
'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
|
|
is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
|
|
the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
|
|
to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
|
|
accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
|
|
Mercia and Northumbria--"'
|
|
|
|
'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
|
|
|
|
'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did
|
|
you speak?'
|
|
|
|
'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
|
|
|
|
'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,
|
|
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
|
|
the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
|
|
|
|
'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
|
|
|
|
'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what
|
|
"it" means.'
|
|
|
|
'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the
|
|
Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
|
|
archbishop find?'
|
|
|
|
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found
|
|
it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
|
|
crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
|
|
Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning
|
|
to Alice as it spoke.
|
|
|
|
'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to
|
|
dry me at all.'
|
|
|
|
'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move
|
|
that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
|
|
remedies--'
|
|
|
|
'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half
|
|
those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And
|
|
the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
|
|
tittered audibly.
|
|
|
|
'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that
|
|
the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
|
|
|
|
'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
|
|
but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
|
|
and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
|
|
|
|
'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as
|
|
you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell
|
|
you how the Dodo managed it.)
|
|
|
|
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact
|
|
shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed
|
|
along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and
|
|
away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
|
|
liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
|
|
when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,
|
|
the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded
|
|
round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
|
|
|
|
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
|
|
and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead
|
|
(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures
|
|
of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
|
|
'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'
|
|
|
|
'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
|
|
|
|
'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
|
|
and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
|
|
way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'
|
|
|
|
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
|
|
pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
|
|
not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
|
|
a-piece all round.
|
|
|
|
'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
|
|
|
|
'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in
|
|
your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
|
|
|
|
'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
|
|
|
|
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
|
|
presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant
|
|
thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
|
|
|
|
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
|
|
that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
|
|
to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
|
|
could.
|
|
|
|
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
|
|
confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
|
|
theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
|
|
However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
|
|
begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
|
|
|
|
'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why
|
|
it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
|
|
would be offended again.
|
|
|
|
'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
|
|
sighing.
|
|
|
|
'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at
|
|
the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling
|
|
about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
|
|
something like this:--
|
|
|
|
'Fury said to a
|
|
mouse, That he
|
|
met in the
|
|
house,
|
|
"Let us
|
|
both go to
|
|
law: I will
|
|
prosecute
|
|
YOU.--Come,
|
|
I'll take no
|
|
denial; We
|
|
must have a
|
|
trial: For
|
|
really this
|
|
morning I've
|
|
nothing
|
|
to do."
|
|
Said the
|
|
mouse to the
|
|
cur, "Such
|
|
a trial,
|
|
dear Sir,
|
|
With
|
|
no jury
|
|
or judge,
|
|
would be
|
|
wasting
|
|
our
|
|
breath."
|
|
"I'll be
|
|
judge, I'll
|
|
be jury,"
|
|
Said
|
|
cunning
|
|
old Fury:
|
|
"I'll
|
|
try the
|
|
whole
|
|
cause,
|
|
and
|
|
condemn
|
|
you
|
|
to
|
|
death."'
|
|
|
|
|
|
'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you
|
|
thinking of?'
|
|
|
|
'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth
|
|
bend, I think?'
|
|
|
|
'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
|
|
|
|
'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
|
|
anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
|
|
|
|
'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
|
|
away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
|
|
|
|
'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,
|
|
you know!'
|
|
|
|
The Mouse only growled in reply.
|
|
|
|
'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
|
|
others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook
|
|
its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
|
|
|
|
'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
|
|
out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
|
|
daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
|
|
YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little
|
|
snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
|
|
|
|
'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
|
|
nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
|
|
|
|
'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the
|
|
Lory.
|
|
|
|
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
|
|
'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
|
|
can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
|
|
she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
|
|
|
|
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
|
|
birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
|
|
carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air
|
|
doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
|
|
its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
|
|
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
|
|
|
|
'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy
|
|
tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
|
|
cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
|
|
any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
|
|
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard
|
|
a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
|
|
eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming
|
|
back to finish his story.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
|
|
|
|
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
|
|
anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
|
|
it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
|
|
my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
|
|
ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a
|
|
moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
|
|
and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
|
|
nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in
|
|
the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,
|
|
had vanished completely.
|
|
|
|
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
|
|
called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
|
|
out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
|
|
Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once
|
|
in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
|
|
had made.
|
|
|
|
'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How
|
|
surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
|
|
his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she
|
|
came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
|
|
plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without
|
|
knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
|
|
real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
|
|
fan and gloves.
|
|
|
|
'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for
|
|
a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she
|
|
began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come
|
|
here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,
|
|
nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't
|
|
think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
|
|
began ordering people about like that!'
|
|
|
|
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
|
|
in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs
|
|
of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
|
|
and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little
|
|
bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time
|
|
with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
|
|
to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said
|
|
to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
|
|
this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really
|
|
I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
|
|
|
|
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
|
|
drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
|
|
and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
|
|
down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't
|
|
grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't
|
|
drunk quite so much!'
|
|
|
|
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
|
|
and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
|
|
was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
|
|
one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
|
|
Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
|
|
of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I
|
|
can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
|
|
|
|
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
|
|
and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
|
|
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
|
|
again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
|
|
|
|
'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
|
|
always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
|
|
rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
|
|
yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
|
|
CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
|
|
kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
|
|
There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
|
|
grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful
|
|
tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
|
|
|
|
'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am
|
|
now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but
|
|
then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn
|
|
lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all
|
|
for any lesson-books!'
|
|
|
|
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
|
|
quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
|
|
a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
|
|
|
|
'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
|
|
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
|
|
the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
|
|
house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large
|
|
as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
|
|
|
|
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
|
|
the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
|
|
that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll
|
|
go round and get in at the window.'
|
|
|
|
'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
|
|
she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
|
|
hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
|
|
but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
|
|
from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
|
|
cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
|
|
|
|
Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
|
|
then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
|
|
for apples, yer honour!'
|
|
|
|
'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and
|
|
help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
|
|
|
|
'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
|
|
|
|
'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
|
|
|
|
'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
|
|
window!'
|
|
|
|
'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
|
|
|
|
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
|
|
now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
|
|
all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her
|
|
hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
|
|
TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of
|
|
cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do
|
|
next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm
|
|
sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
|
|
|
|
She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
|
|
rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices
|
|
all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other
|
|
ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!
|
|
fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em
|
|
together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll
|
|
do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this
|
|
rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming
|
|
down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I
|
|
fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I
|
|
won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
|
|
go down the chimney!'
|
|
|
|
'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to
|
|
herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
|
|
Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
|
|
I THINK I can kick a little!'
|
|
|
|
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited
|
|
till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
|
|
scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
|
|
saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
|
|
see what would happen next.
|
|
|
|
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'
|
|
then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then
|
|
silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy
|
|
now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
|
|
us all about it!'
|
|
|
|
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought
|
|
Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm
|
|
a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me
|
|
like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
|
|
|
|
'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
|
|
|
|
'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
|
|
out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
|
|
|
|
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I
|
|
wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
|
|
roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
|
|
Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
|
|
|
|
'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
|
|
for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
|
|
window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'
|
|
she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'
|
|
which produced another dead silence.
|
|
|
|
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
|
|
little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
|
|
head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make
|
|
SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
|
|
make me smaller, I suppose.'
|
|
|
|
So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
|
|
began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
|
|
the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
|
|
animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was
|
|
in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
|
|
something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
|
|
appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
|
|
safe in a thick wood.
|
|
|
|
'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered
|
|
about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second
|
|
thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be
|
|
the best plan.'
|
|
|
|
It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
|
|
arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
|
|
how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
|
|
the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
|
|
great hurry.
|
|
|
|
An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
|
|
feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
|
|
said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
|
|
she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
|
|
hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
|
|
all her coaxing.
|
|
|
|
Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
|
|
held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
|
|
all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
|
|
and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
|
|
to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
|
|
other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
|
|
over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
|
|
very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
|
|
moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
|
|
the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
|
|
little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
|
|
all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
|
|
its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
|
|
|
|
This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
|
|
set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
|
|
till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
|
|
|
|
'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant
|
|
against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
|
|
leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd
|
|
only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
|
|
I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I
|
|
suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
|
|
question is, what?'
|
|
|
|
The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
|
|
the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
|
|
looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
|
|
There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
|
|
herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
|
|
behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
|
|
was on the top of it.
|
|
|
|
She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
|
|
mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
|
|
that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
|
|
hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
|
|
|
|
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
|
|
at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
|
|
her in a languid, sleepy voice.
|
|
|
|
'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
|
|
rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know
|
|
who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
|
|
changed several times since then.'
|
|
|
|
'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain
|
|
yourself!'
|
|
|
|
'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not
|
|
myself, you see.'
|
|
|
|
'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
|
|
'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
|
|
different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
|
|
|
|
'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you
|
|
have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then
|
|
after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little
|
|
queer, won't you?'
|
|
|
|
'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know
|
|
is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
|
|
|
|
'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'
|
|
|
|
Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
|
|
Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY
|
|
short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,
|
|
you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
|
|
|
|
'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
|
|
good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant
|
|
state of mind, she turned away.
|
|
|
|
'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important
|
|
to say!'
|
|
|
|
This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
|
|
|
|
'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
|
|
could.
|
|
|
|
'No,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
|
|
perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
|
|
minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its
|
|
arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think
|
|
you're changed, do you?'
|
|
|
|
'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I
|
|
used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
|
|
|
|
'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came
|
|
different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
|
|
|
|
'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
Alice folded her hands, and began:--
|
|
|
|
'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
|
|
'And your hair has become very white;
|
|
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
|
|
Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
|
|
|
|
'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
|
|
'I feared it might injure the brain;
|
|
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
|
|
Why, I do it again and again.'
|
|
|
|
'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
|
|
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
|
|
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
|
|
Pray, what is the reason of that?'
|
|
|
|
'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
|
|
'I kept all my limbs very supple
|
|
By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
|
|
Allow me to sell you a couple?'
|
|
|
|
'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
|
|
For anything tougher than suet;
|
|
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
|
|
Pray how did you manage to do it?'
|
|
|
|
'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
|
|
And argued each case with my wife;
|
|
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
|
|
Has lasted the rest of my life.'
|
|
|
|
'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
|
|
That your eye was as steady as ever;
|
|
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
|
|
What made you so awfully clever?'
|
|
|
|
'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
|
|
Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs!
|
|
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
|
|
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
|
|
|
|
|
|
'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
|
|
have got altered.'
|
|
|
|
'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
|
|
there was silence for some minutes.
|
|
|
|
The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
|
|
|
|
'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one
|
|
doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
|
|
|
|
'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
|
|
before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
|
|
|
|
'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,'
|
|
said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
|
|
|
|
'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
|
|
itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
|
|
|
|
'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
|
|
she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
|
|
offended!'
|
|
|
|
'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the
|
|
hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
|
|
|
|
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In
|
|
a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth
|
|
and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
|
|
mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
|
|
'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
|
|
grow shorter.'
|
|
|
|
'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.
|
|
|
|
'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
|
|
aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
|
|
|
|
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
|
|
to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
|
|
round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
|
|
stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
|
|
of the edge with each hand.
|
|
|
|
'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
|
|
the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent
|
|
blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
|
|
|
|
She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
|
|
that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
|
|
set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
|
|
so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
|
|
mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
|
|
lefthand bit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
* * * * * * *
|
|
|
|
* * * * * *
|
|
|
|
* * * * * * *
|
|
|
|
'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which
|
|
changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
|
|
were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
|
|
an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
|
|
sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
|
|
|
|
'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my
|
|
shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?'
|
|
She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
|
|
except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
|
|
|
|
As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
|
|
tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
|
|
neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
|
|
just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going
|
|
to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops
|
|
of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made
|
|
her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
|
|
was beating her violently with its wings.
|
|
|
|
'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
|
|
|
|
'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!'
|
|
|
|
'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
|
|
and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems
|
|
to suit them!'
|
|
|
|
'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
|
|
hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those
|
|
serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
|
|
|
|
Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
|
|
saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
|
|
|
|
'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon;
|
|
'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
|
|
haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
|
|
|
|
'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to
|
|
see its meaning.
|
|
|
|
'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the
|
|
Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I
|
|
should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
|
|
the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
|
|
|
|
'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--'
|
|
|
|
'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to
|
|
invent something!'
|
|
|
|
'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
|
|
the number of changes she had gone through that day.
|
|
|
|
'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
|
|
contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
|
|
with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
|
|
denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
|
|
egg!'
|
|
|
|
'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful
|
|
child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
|
|
know.'
|
|
|
|
'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're
|
|
a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
|
|
|
|
This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
|
|
minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're
|
|
looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me
|
|
whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
|
|
|
|
'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking
|
|
for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't
|
|
like them raw.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
|
|
down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as
|
|
she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
|
|
every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
|
|
remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
|
|
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
|
|
other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
|
|
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
|
|
|
|
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
|
|
felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
|
|
and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done
|
|
now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
|
|
to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right
|
|
size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
|
|
to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open
|
|
place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives
|
|
there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why,
|
|
I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the
|
|
righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
|
|
had brought herself down to nine inches high.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
|
|
|
|
For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
|
|
to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
|
|
wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
|
|
otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
|
|
fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened
|
|
by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
|
|
frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
|
|
over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
|
|
and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
|
|
|
|
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
|
|
nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
|
|
saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
|
|
to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
|
|
only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An
|
|
invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.'
|
|
|
|
Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
|
|
|
|
Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the
|
|
wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
|
|
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
|
|
door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
|
|
|
|
Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
|
|
|
|
'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for
|
|
two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you
|
|
are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
|
|
possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
|
|
going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
|
|
a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
|
|
|
|
'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
|
|
|
|
'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on
|
|
without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance,
|
|
if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.'
|
|
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
|
|
Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she
|
|
said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
|
|
But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she
|
|
repeated, aloud.
|
|
|
|
'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--'
|
|
|
|
At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
|
|
skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose,
|
|
and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
|
|
|
|
'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
|
|
as if nothing had happened.
|
|
|
|
'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
|
|
|
|
'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first
|
|
question, you know.'
|
|
|
|
It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really
|
|
dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue.
|
|
It's enough to drive one crazy!'
|
|
|
|
The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
|
|
remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for
|
|
days and days.'
|
|
|
|
'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's
|
|
perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
|
|
|
|
The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
|
|
one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in
|
|
the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
|
|
a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
|
|
|
|
'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself,
|
|
as well as she could for sneezing.
|
|
|
|
There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
|
|
sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
|
|
alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen
|
|
that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on
|
|
the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
|
|
|
|
'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
|
|
not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
|
|
your cat grins like that?'
|
|
|
|
'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
|
|
|
|
She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
|
|
jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
|
|
and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
|
|
|
|
'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
|
|
that cats COULD grin.'
|
|
|
|
'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
|
|
|
|
'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite
|
|
pleased to have got into a conversation.
|
|
|
|
'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'
|
|
|
|
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
|
|
be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
|
|
was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
|
|
fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
|
|
the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a
|
|
shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
|
|
them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
|
|
that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in
|
|
an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually
|
|
large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
|
|
|
|
'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse
|
|
growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
|
|
|
|
'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get
|
|
an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of
|
|
what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
|
|
twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
|
|
|
|
'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
|
|
|
|
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
|
|
the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
|
|
be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is
|
|
it twelve? I--'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!'
|
|
And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
|
|
lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of
|
|
every line:
|
|
|
|
'Speak roughly to your little boy,
|
|
And beat him when he sneezes:
|
|
He only does it to annoy,
|
|
Because he knows it teases.'
|
|
|
|
CHORUS.
|
|
|
|
(In which the cook and the baby joined):--
|
|
|
|
'Wow! wow! wow!'
|
|
|
|
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
|
|
the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
|
|
that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
|
|
|
|
'I speak severely to my boy,
|
|
I beat him when he sneezes;
|
|
For he can thoroughly enjoy
|
|
The pepper when he pleases!'
|
|
|
|
CHORUS.
|
|
|
|
'Wow! wow! wow!'
|
|
|
|
'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice,
|
|
flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play
|
|
croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
|
|
a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
|
|
|
|
Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
|
|
little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just
|
|
like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting
|
|
like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
|
|
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
|
|
or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
|
|
|
|
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
|
|
twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
|
|
ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried
|
|
it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,'
|
|
thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
|
|
murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the
|
|
little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
|
|
'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing
|
|
yourself.'
|
|
|
|
The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
|
|
see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
|
|
a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
|
|
eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
|
|
like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
|
|
she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any
|
|
tears.
|
|
|
|
No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,'
|
|
said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
|
|
now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
|
|
to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
|
|
|
|
Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with
|
|
this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently,
|
|
that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could
|
|
be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
|
|
felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
|
|
|
|
So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
|
|
it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said
|
|
to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
|
|
rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other
|
|
children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
|
|
to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she
|
|
was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a
|
|
tree a few yards off.
|
|
|
|
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
|
|
thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she
|
|
felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
|
|
|
|
'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
|
|
whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
|
|
'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you
|
|
tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
|
|
|
|
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
|
|
|
|
'I don't much care where--' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
|
|
|
|
'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long
|
|
enough.'
|
|
|
|
Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
|
|
'What sort of people live about here?'
|
|
|
|
'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives
|
|
a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March
|
|
Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
|
|
|
|
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad.
|
|
You're mad.'
|
|
|
|
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
|
|
|
|
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how
|
|
do you know that you're mad?'
|
|
|
|
'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?'
|
|
|
|
'I suppose so,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry,
|
|
and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
|
|
wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
|
|
|
|
'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the
|
|
Queen to-day?'
|
|
|
|
'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited
|
|
yet.'
|
|
|
|
'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
|
|
|
|
Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
|
|
things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
|
|
it suddenly appeared again.
|
|
|
|
'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly
|
|
forgotten to ask.'
|
|
|
|
'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
|
|
in a natural way.
|
|
|
|
'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
|
|
|
|
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
|
|
appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
|
|
which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she
|
|
said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
|
|
perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as
|
|
it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
|
|
again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
|
|
|
|
'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
|
|
|
|
'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
|
|
vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
|
|
|
|
'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
|
|
beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
|
|
remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
|
|
|
|
'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin
|
|
without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
|
|
|
|
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
|
|
of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
|
|
chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
|
|
was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
|
|
nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to
|
|
about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
|
|
saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
|
|
wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
|
|
|
|
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
|
|
March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
|
|
between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
|
|
cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very
|
|
uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I
|
|
suppose it doesn't mind.'
|
|
|
|
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
|
|
one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice
|
|
coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat
|
|
down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
|
|
|
|
'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
|
|
|
|
Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
|
|
'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
|
|
|
|
'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
|
|
|
|
'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said
|
|
the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great
|
|
many more than three.'
|
|
|
|
'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
|
|
for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
|
|
|
|
'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some
|
|
severity; 'it's very rude.'
|
|
|
|
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
|
|
was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
|
|
|
|
'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've
|
|
begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
|
|
|
|
'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the
|
|
March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'Exactly so,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
|
|
|
|
'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I
|
|
say--that's the same thing, you know.'
|
|
|
|
'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say
|
|
that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
|
|
|
|
'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I
|
|
get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
|
|
|
|
'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
|
|
talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing
|
|
as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
|
|
|
|
'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
|
|
conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
|
|
thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
|
|
which wasn't much.
|
|
|
|
The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month
|
|
is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
|
|
pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
|
|
and holding it to his ear.
|
|
|
|
Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
|
|
|
|
'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit
|
|
the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
|
|
|
|
'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled:
|
|
'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
|
|
|
|
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
|
|
it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
|
|
nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter,
|
|
you know.'
|
|
|
|
Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a
|
|
funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
|
|
tell what o'clock it is!'
|
|
|
|
'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what
|
|
year it is?'
|
|
|
|
'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it
|
|
stays the same year for such a long time together.'
|
|
|
|
'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no
|
|
sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite
|
|
understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
|
|
|
|
'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little
|
|
hot tea upon its nose.
|
|
|
|
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
|
|
eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
|
|
|
|
'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice
|
|
again.
|
|
|
|
'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'
|
|
|
|
'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the
|
|
time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
|
|
|
|
'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk
|
|
about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
|
|
|
|
'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
|
|
'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
|
|
|
|
'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time
|
|
when I learn music.'
|
|
|
|
'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.
|
|
Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
|
|
you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in
|
|
the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a
|
|
hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
|
|
time for dinner!'
|
|
|
|
('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
|
|
|
|
'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I
|
|
shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
|
|
|
|
'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to
|
|
half-past one as long as you liked.'
|
|
|
|
'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
|
|
|
|
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We
|
|
quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing
|
|
with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert
|
|
given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
|
|
|
|
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
|
|
How I wonder what you're at!"
|
|
|
|
You know the song, perhaps?'
|
|
|
|
'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:--
|
|
|
|
"Up above the world you fly,
|
|
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
|
|
Twinkle, twinkle--"'
|
|
|
|
Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle,
|
|
twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch
|
|
it to make it stop.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the
|
|
Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his
|
|
head!"'
|
|
|
|
'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
|
|
|
|
'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't
|
|
do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
|
|
|
|
A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many
|
|
tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
|
|
|
|
'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time,
|
|
and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
|
|
|
|
'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.'
|
|
|
|
'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
|
|
to ask.
|
|
|
|
'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
|
|
'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
|
|
|
|
'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the
|
|
proposal.
|
|
|
|
'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And
|
|
they pinched it on both sides at once.
|
|
|
|
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a
|
|
hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
|
|
|
|
'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
|
|
|
|
'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again
|
|
before it's done.'
|
|
|
|
'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began
|
|
in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
|
|
they lived at the bottom of a well--'
|
|
|
|
'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in
|
|
questions of eating and drinking.
|
|
|
|
'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
|
|
two.
|
|
|
|
'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd
|
|
have been ill.'
|
|
|
|
'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'
|
|
|
|
Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
|
|
living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But
|
|
why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
|
|
|
|
'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
|
|
|
|
'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't
|
|
take more.'
|
|
|
|
'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take
|
|
MORE than nothing.'
|
|
|
|
'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
|
|
|
|
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself
|
|
to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
|
|
repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
|
|
|
|
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
|
|
said, 'It was a treacle-well.'
|
|
|
|
'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
|
|
Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily
|
|
remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for
|
|
yourself.'
|
|
|
|
'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I
|
|
dare say there may be ONE.'
|
|
|
|
'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
|
|
go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw,
|
|
you know--'
|
|
|
|
'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
|
|
|
|
'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
|
|
|
|
'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place
|
|
on.'
|
|
|
|
He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
|
|
moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
|
|
the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
|
|
advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
|
|
before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
|
|
|
|
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
|
|
cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
|
|
from?'
|
|
|
|
'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should
|
|
think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
|
|
|
|
'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to
|
|
notice this last remark.
|
|
|
|
'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'
|
|
|
|
This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
|
|
some time without interrupting it.
|
|
|
|
'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
|
|
its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of
|
|
things--everything that begins with an M--'
|
|
|
|
'Why with an M?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Why not?' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
Alice was silent.
|
|
|
|
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into
|
|
a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with
|
|
a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as
|
|
mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say
|
|
things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a
|
|
drawing of a muchness?'
|
|
|
|
'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't
|
|
think--'
|
|
|
|
'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
|
|
great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
|
|
neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
|
|
looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
|
|
the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
|
|
the teapot.
|
|
|
|
'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her
|
|
way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
|
|
my life!'
|
|
|
|
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
|
|
leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But
|
|
everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in
|
|
she went.
|
|
|
|
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
|
|
glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself,
|
|
and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
|
|
led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
|
|
had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high:
|
|
then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at
|
|
last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
|
|
fountains.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground
|
|
|
|
A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
|
|
growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
|
|
painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
|
|
nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
|
|
them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
|
|
that!'
|
|
|
|
'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my
|
|
elbow.'
|
|
|
|
On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the
|
|
blame on others!'
|
|
|
|
'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only
|
|
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
|
|
|
|
'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
|
|
|
|
'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
|
|
|
|
'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for
|
|
bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
|
|
|
|
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust
|
|
things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
|
|
them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
|
|
all of them bowed low.
|
|
|
|
'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting
|
|
those roses?'
|
|
|
|
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
|
|
voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
|
|
RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
|
|
was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.
|
|
So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this
|
|
moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
|
|
out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw
|
|
themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
|
|
and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
|
|
|
|
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
|
|
the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
|
|
corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
|
|
diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
|
|
the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
|
|
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
|
|
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
|
|
them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
|
|
nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
|
|
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
|
|
crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
|
|
procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
|
|
|
|
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
|
|
like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
|
|
of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of
|
|
a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their
|
|
faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was,
|
|
and waited.
|
|
|
|
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
|
|
at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the
|
|
Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
|
|
|
|
'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
|
|
Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
|
|
|
|
'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely;
|
|
but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after
|
|
all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
|
|
|
|
'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
|
|
were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
|
|
faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
|
|
pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
|
|
courtiers, or three of her own children.
|
|
|
|
'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no
|
|
business of MINE.'
|
|
|
|
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
|
|
moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--'
|
|
|
|
'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
|
|
silent.
|
|
|
|
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my
|
|
dear: she is only a child!'
|
|
|
|
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them
|
|
over!'
|
|
|
|
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
|
|
|
|
'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
|
|
gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
|
|
the royal children, and everybody else.
|
|
|
|
'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then,
|
|
turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'
|
|
|
|
'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going
|
|
down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'
|
|
|
|
'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
|
|
'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the
|
|
soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
|
|
to Alice for protection.
|
|
|
|
'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large
|
|
flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
|
|
minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
|
|
others.
|
|
|
|
'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
|
|
|
|
'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted
|
|
in reply.
|
|
|
|
'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'
|
|
|
|
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
|
|
evidently meant for her.
|
|
|
|
'Yes!' shouted Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
|
|
wondering very much what would happen next.
|
|
|
|
'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
|
|
walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
|
|
|
|
'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'
|
|
|
|
'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
|
|
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
|
|
tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under
|
|
sentence of execution.'
|
|
|
|
'What for?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
|
|
|
|
'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
|
|
"What for?"'
|
|
|
|
'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
|
|
scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
|
|
tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
|
|
Queen said--'
|
|
|
|
'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
|
|
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
|
|
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
|
|
began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
|
|
her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
|
|
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
|
|
up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
|
|
|
|
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
|
|
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
|
|
her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
|
|
its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
|
|
blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
|
|
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
|
|
laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
|
|
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
|
|
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
|
|
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
|
|
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
|
|
and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
|
|
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
|
|
|
|
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
|
|
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
|
|
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
|
|
shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a
|
|
minute.
|
|
|
|
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
|
|
dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
|
|
'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully
|
|
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
|
|
left alive!'
|
|
|
|
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
|
|
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
|
|
in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
|
|
a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
|
|
'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
|
|
|
|
'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
|
|
enough for it to speak with.
|
|
|
|
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use
|
|
speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one
|
|
of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
|
|
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
|
|
she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
|
|
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
|
|
|
|
'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a
|
|
complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
|
|
oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular;
|
|
at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
|
|
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
|
|
arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
|
|
ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
|
|
it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
|
|
|
|
'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
|
|
|
|
'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed
|
|
that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
|
|
'--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
|
|
|
|
The Queen smiled and passed on.
|
|
|
|
'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
|
|
at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
|
|
|
|
'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to
|
|
introduce it.'
|
|
|
|
'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may
|
|
kiss my hand if it likes.'
|
|
|
|
'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
|
|
|
|
'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!'
|
|
He got behind Alice as he spoke.
|
|
|
|
'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book,
|
|
but I don't remember where.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called
|
|
the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would
|
|
have this cat removed!'
|
|
|
|
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
|
|
'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
|
|
|
|
'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he
|
|
hurried off.
|
|
|
|
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
|
|
on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
|
|
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
|
|
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
|
|
of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
|
|
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
|
|
|
|
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
|
|
to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
|
|
other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
|
|
other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
|
|
sort of way to fly up into a tree.
|
|
|
|
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
|
|
was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't
|
|
matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side
|
|
of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
|
|
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
|
|
friend.
|
|
|
|
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
|
|
large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
|
|
the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
|
|
while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
|
|
|
|
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
|
|
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
|
|
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
|
|
what they said.
|
|
|
|
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
|
|
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
|
|
thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
|
|
|
|
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
|
|
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
|
|
|
|
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
|
|
than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
|
|
remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
|
|
|
|
Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess:
|
|
you'd better ask HER about it.'
|
|
|
|
'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'
|
|
And the executioner went off like an arrow.
|
|
|
|
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
|
|
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
|
|
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
|
|
looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story
|
|
|
|
'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!'
|
|
said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
|
|
they walked off together.
|
|
|
|
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
|
|
to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
|
|
savage when they met in the kitchen.
|
|
|
|
'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
|
|
though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
|
|
well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
|
|
she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
|
|
rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
|
|
them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
|
|
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
|
|
stingy about it, you know--'
|
|
|
|
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
|
|
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking
|
|
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
|
|
tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
|
|
a bit.'
|
|
|
|
'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
|
|
|
|
'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only
|
|
you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
|
|
she spoke.
|
|
|
|
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
|
|
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
|
|
right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
|
|
uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
|
|
bore it as well as she could.
|
|
|
|
'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
|
|
the conversation a little.
|
|
|
|
''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love,
|
|
'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
|
|
|
|
'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding
|
|
their own business!'
|
|
|
|
'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
|
|
sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral
|
|
of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
|
|
themselves."'
|
|
|
|
'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
|
|
|
|
'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,'
|
|
the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
|
|
the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
|
|
|
|
'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
|
|
have the experiment tried.
|
|
|
|
'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
|
|
the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
|
|
|
|
'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
|
|
|
|
'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of
|
|
putting things!'
|
|
|
|
'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
|
|
everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
|
|
the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
|
|
yours."'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
|
|
'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
|
|
|
|
'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that
|
|
is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more
|
|
simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
|
|
appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
|
|
than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
|
|
|
|
'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if
|
|
I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
|
|
|
|
'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in
|
|
a pleased tone.
|
|
|
|
'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said
|
|
Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present
|
|
of everything I've said as yet.'
|
|
|
|
'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give
|
|
birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out
|
|
loud.
|
|
|
|
'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
|
|
little chin.
|
|
|
|
'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
|
|
feel a little worried.
|
|
|
|
'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and
|
|
the m--'
|
|
|
|
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
|
|
in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked
|
|
into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
|
|
in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
|
|
|
|
'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
|
|
|
|
'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the
|
|
ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in
|
|
about half no time! Take your choice!'
|
|
|
|
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
|
|
|
|
'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
|
|
too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
|
|
croquet-ground.
|
|
|
|
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
|
|
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
|
|
back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
|
|
cost them their lives.
|
|
|
|
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
|
|
the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her
|
|
head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
|
|
who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
|
|
the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
|
|
players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
|
|
under sentence of execution.
|
|
|
|
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have
|
|
you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
|
|
|
|
'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
|
|
|
|
'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
|
|
|
|
'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
|
|
|
|
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
|
|
to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good
|
|
thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
|
|
number of executions the Queen had ordered.
|
|
|
|
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
|
|
(IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy
|
|
thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock
|
|
Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
|
|
executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
|
|
the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
|
|
the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
|
|
after that savage Queen: so she waited.
|
|
|
|
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
|
|
she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon,
|
|
half to itself, half to Alice.
|
|
|
|
'What IS the fun?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never
|
|
executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
|
|
|
|
'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly
|
|
after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
|
|
|
|
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
|
|
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
|
|
nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
|
|
pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the
|
|
Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his
|
|
fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
|
|
|
|
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
|
|
full of tears, but said nothing.
|
|
|
|
'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
|
|
history, she do.'
|
|
|
|
'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit
|
|
down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
|
|
|
|
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
|
|
herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But
|
|
she waited patiently.
|
|
|
|
'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real
|
|
Turtle.'
|
|
|
|
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
|
|
occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
|
|
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
|
|
saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could
|
|
not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
|
|
nothing.
|
|
|
|
'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
|
|
though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the
|
|
sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
|
|
|
|
'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
|
|
|
|
'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
|
|
angrily: 'really you are very dull!'
|
|
|
|
'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
|
|
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
|
|
Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
|
|
to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!'
|
|
and he went on in these words:
|
|
|
|
'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
|
|
|
|
'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
|
|
|
|
'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
|
|
The Mock Turtle went on.
|
|
|
|
'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
|
|
|
|
'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud
|
|
as all that.'
|
|
|
|
'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
|
|
|
|
'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'
|
|
|
|
'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
|
|
|
|
'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in
|
|
a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
|
|
"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
|
|
|
|
'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of
|
|
the sea.'
|
|
|
|
'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I
|
|
only took the regular course.'
|
|
|
|
'What was that?' inquired Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
|
|
replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
|
|
Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
|
|
|
|
'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?'
|
|
|
|
The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of
|
|
uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
|
|
|
|
'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is,
|
|
you ARE a simpleton.'
|
|
|
|
Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
|
|
turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?'
|
|
|
|
'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
|
|
the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
|
|
Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
|
|
that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
|
|
Fainting in Coils.'
|
|
|
|
'What was THAT like?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too
|
|
stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
|
|
|
|
'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though.
|
|
He was an old crab, HE was.'
|
|
|
|
'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught
|
|
Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
|
|
|
|
'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
|
|
creatures hid their faces in their paws.
|
|
|
|
'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to
|
|
change the subject.
|
|
|
|
'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so
|
|
on.'
|
|
|
|
'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
|
|
|
|
'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked:
|
|
'because they lessen from day to day.'
|
|
|
|
This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
|
|
before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a
|
|
holiday?'
|
|
|
|
'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
|
|
|
|
'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
|
|
tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
|
|
|
|
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
|
|
his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
|
|
two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,'
|
|
said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
|
|
the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
|
|
running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
|
|
|
|
'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said
|
|
Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
|
|
(Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and
|
|
said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
|
|
Lobster Quadrille is!'
|
|
|
|
'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
|
|
|
|
'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
|
|
sea-shore--'
|
|
|
|
'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
|
|
then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--'
|
|
|
|
'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'--you advance twice--'
|
|
|
|
'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--'
|
|
|
|
'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--'
|
|
|
|
'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
|
|
|
|
'--as far out to sea as you can--'
|
|
|
|
'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
|
|
about.
|
|
|
|
'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
|
|
|
|
'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock
|
|
Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
|
|
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
|
|
and quietly, and looked at Alice.
|
|
|
|
'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
|
|
|
|
'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
|
|
'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.'
|
|
|
|
So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
|
|
then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
|
|
forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
|
|
and sadly:--
|
|
|
|
'"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
|
|
"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
|
|
|
|
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
|
|
They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
|
|
|
|
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
|
|
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
|
|
|
|
"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
|
|
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
|
|
But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
|
|
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
|
|
|
|
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
|
|
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
|
|
|
|
'"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
|
|
"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
|
|
The further off from England the nearer is to France--
|
|
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
|
|
|
|
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
|
|
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
|
|
|
|
'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling
|
|
very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song
|
|
about the whiting!'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them,
|
|
of course?'
|
|
|
|
'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself
|
|
hastily.
|
|
|
|
'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've
|
|
seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
|
|
|
|
'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in
|
|
their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
|
|
|
|
'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all
|
|
wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
|
|
reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her
|
|
about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters
|
|
to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
|
|
way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
|
|
them out again. That's all.'
|
|
|
|
'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much
|
|
about a whiting before.'
|
|
|
|
'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you
|
|
know why it's called a whiting?'
|
|
|
|
'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
|
|
|
|
'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
|
|
|
|
Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated
|
|
in a wondering tone.
|
|
|
|
'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what
|
|
makes them so shiny?'
|
|
|
|
Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
|
|
answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
|
|
|
|
'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
|
|
'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
|
|
|
|
'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
|
|
|
|
'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
|
|
'any shrimp could have told you that.'
|
|
|
|
'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
|
|
on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
|
|
don't want YOU with us!"'
|
|
|
|
'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no
|
|
wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
|
|
|
|
'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
|
|
|
|
'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and
|
|
told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'
|
|
|
|
'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
|
|
the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.'
|
|
|
|
'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said
|
|
Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday,
|
|
because I was a different person then.'
|
|
|
|
'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
|
|
'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
|
|
|
|
So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
|
|
saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
|
|
the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
|
|
their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
|
|
on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
|
|
her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the
|
|
words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
|
|
and said 'That's very curious.'
|
|
|
|
'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I
|
|
should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
|
|
begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
|
|
authority over Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the
|
|
Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!'
|
|
thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she
|
|
got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
|
|
Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
|
|
very queer indeed:--
|
|
|
|
''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
|
|
"You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
|
|
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
|
|
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
|
|
|
|
[later editions continued as follows
|
|
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
|
|
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
|
|
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
|
|
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
|
|
|
|
'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the
|
|
Gryphon.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds
|
|
uncommon nonsense.'
|
|
|
|
Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
|
|
wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
|
|
|
|
'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
|
|
|
|
'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next
|
|
verse.'
|
|
|
|
'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them
|
|
out with his nose, you know?'
|
|
|
|
'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully
|
|
puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
|
|
|
|
'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it
|
|
begins "I passed by his garden."'
|
|
|
|
Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
|
|
wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
|
|
|
|
'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
|
|
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
|
|
|
|
[later editions continued as follows
|
|
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
|
|
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
|
|
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
|
|
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
|
|
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
|
|
And concluded the banquet--]
|
|
|
|
'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
|
|
interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
|
|
confusing thing I ever heard!'
|
|
|
|
'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was
|
|
only too glad to do so.
|
|
|
|
'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went
|
|
on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice
|
|
replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
|
|
'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
|
|
fellow?'
|
|
|
|
The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
|
|
with sobs, to sing this:--
|
|
|
|
'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
|
|
Waiting in a hot tureen!
|
|
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
|
|
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
|
|
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
|
|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
|
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
|
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
|
|
|
|
'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
|
|
Game, or any other dish?
|
|
Who would not give all else for two
|
|
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
|
|
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
|
|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
|
Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
|
|
Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
|
Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
|
|
|
|
'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
|
|
to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the
|
|
distance.
|
|
|
|
'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
|
|
off, without waiting for the end of the song.
|
|
|
|
'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
|
|
answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
|
|
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
|
|
|
|
'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
|
|
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
|
|
|
|
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
|
|
arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
|
|
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
|
|
standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
|
|
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
|
|
and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
|
|
was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
|
|
that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the
|
|
trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there
|
|
seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
|
|
her, to pass away the time.
|
|
|
|
Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
|
|
about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
|
|
the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
|
|
herself, 'because of his great wig.'
|
|
|
|
The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
|
|
wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
|
|
not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
|
|
|
|
'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,'
|
|
(she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were
|
|
animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
|
|
this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
|
|
it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
|
|
age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done
|
|
just as well.
|
|
|
|
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they
|
|
doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put
|
|
down yet, before the trial's begun.'
|
|
|
|
'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for
|
|
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
|
|
|
|
'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
|
|
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the
|
|
King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
|
|
was talking.
|
|
|
|
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
|
|
that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates,
|
|
and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
|
|
'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice
|
|
muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
|
|
|
|
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
|
|
could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
|
|
very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
|
|
that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
|
|
at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
|
|
obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
|
|
of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
|
|
|
|
'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
|
|
|
|
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
|
|
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
|
|
|
|
'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
|
|
All on a summer day:
|
|
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
|
|
And took them quite away!'
|
|
|
|
'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
|
|
|
|
'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great
|
|
deal to come before that!'
|
|
|
|
'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
|
|
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
|
|
|
|
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
|
|
hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your
|
|
Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
|
|
my tea when I was sent for.'
|
|
|
|
'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?'
|
|
|
|
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
|
|
court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it
|
|
was,' he said.
|
|
|
|
'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
|
|
|
|
'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
|
|
wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
|
|
reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
|
|
|
|
'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
|
|
memorandum of the fact.
|
|
|
|
'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of
|
|
my own. I'm a hatter.'
|
|
|
|
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
|
|
who turned pale and fidgeted.
|
|
|
|
'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have
|
|
you executed on the spot.'
|
|
|
|
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
|
|
from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
|
|
his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
|
|
bread-and-butter.
|
|
|
|
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
|
|
her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
|
|
grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
|
|
the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
|
|
long as there was room for her.
|
|
|
|
'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting
|
|
next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'
|
|
|
|
'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'
|
|
|
|
'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
|
|
|
|
'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing
|
|
too.'
|
|
|
|
'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that
|
|
ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
|
|
other side of the court.
|
|
|
|
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
|
|
just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
|
|
of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on
|
|
which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
|
|
|
|
'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you
|
|
executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
|
|
|
|
'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
|
|
'--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
|
|
bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
|
|
|
|
'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
|
|
|
|
'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
|
|
|
|
'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you
|
|
take me for a dunce? Go on!'
|
|
|
|
'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after
|
|
that--only the March Hare said--'
|
|
|
|
'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
|
|
|
|
'You did!' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
'I deny it!' said the March Hare.
|
|
|
|
'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
|
|
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
|
|
nothing, being fast asleep.
|
|
|
|
'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--'
|
|
|
|
'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
|
|
|
|
'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
|
|
|
|
'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
|
|
|
|
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
|
|
down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
|
|
|
|
'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
|
|
|
|
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
|
|
the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
|
|
explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
|
|
up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
|
|
head first, and then sat upon it.)
|
|
|
|
'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read
|
|
in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
|
|
at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
|
|
court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'
|
|
|
|
'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the
|
|
King.
|
|
|
|
'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
|
|
|
|
'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
|
|
|
|
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
|
|
|
|
'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get
|
|
on better.'
|
|
|
|
'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
|
|
Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
|
|
|
|
'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
|
|
without even waiting to put his shoes on.
|
|
|
|
'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
|
|
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
|
|
to the door.
|
|
|
|
'Call the next witness!' said the King.
|
|
|
|
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
|
|
her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
|
|
court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
|
|
|
|
'Give your evidence,' said the King.
|
|
|
|
'Shan't,' said the cook.
|
|
|
|
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
|
|
'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
|
|
|
|
'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
|
|
after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
|
|
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
|
|
|
|
'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
|
|
|
|
'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
|
|
|
|
'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse!
|
|
Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
|
|
whiskers!'
|
|
|
|
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
|
|
turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
|
|
disappeared.
|
|
|
|
'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next
|
|
witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear,
|
|
YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
|
|
ache!'
|
|
|
|
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
|
|
curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't
|
|
got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when
|
|
the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the
|
|
name 'Alice!'
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
!!! CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence
|
|
|
|
|
|
'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
|
|
large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
|
|
a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
|
|
upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
|
|
they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
|
|
she had accidentally upset the week before.
|
|
|
|
'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
|
|
began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
|
|
the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
|
|
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
|
|
they would die.
|
|
|
|
'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until
|
|
all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with
|
|
great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
|
|
|
|
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
|
|
the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
|
|
tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
|
|
it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said
|
|
to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
|
|
one way up as the other.'
|
|
|
|
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
|
|
upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
|
|
them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
|
|
accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
|
|
anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
|
|
court.
|
|
|
|
'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Nothing,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
|
|
|
|
'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were
|
|
just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
|
|
interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
|
|
very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
|
|
|
|
'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on
|
|
to himself in an undertone,
|
|
|
|
'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying
|
|
which word sounded best.
|
|
|
|
Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.'
|
|
Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
|
|
'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
|
|
|
|
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
|
|
his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule
|
|
Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
|
|
|
|
Everybody looked at Alice.
|
|
|
|
'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'You are,' said the King.
|
|
|
|
'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
|
|
|
|
'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a
|
|
regular rule: you invented it just now.'
|
|
|
|
'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
|
|
|
|
'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your
|
|
verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
|
|
|
|
'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
|
|
Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked
|
|
up.'
|
|
|
|
'What's in it?' said the Queen.
|
|
|
|
'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a
|
|
letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
|
|
|
|
'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to
|
|
nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
|
|
|
|
'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
|
|
|
|
'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's
|
|
nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and
|
|
added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
|
|
|
|
'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
|
|
|
|
'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing
|
|
about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
|
|
|
|
'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury
|
|
all brightened up again.)
|
|
|
|
'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they
|
|
can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
|
|
|
|
'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter
|
|
worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
|
|
name like an honest man.'
|
|
|
|
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
|
|
clever thing the King had said that day.
|
|
|
|
'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
|
|
|
|
'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know
|
|
what they're about!'
|
|
|
|
'Read them,' said the King.
|
|
|
|
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please
|
|
your Majesty?' he asked.
|
|
|
|
'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you
|
|
come to the end: then stop.'
|
|
|
|
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
|
|
|
|
'They told me you had been to her,
|
|
And mentioned me to him:
|
|
She gave me a good character,
|
|
But said I could not swim.
|
|
|
|
He sent them word I had not gone
|
|
(We know it to be true):
|
|
If she should push the matter on,
|
|
What would become of you?
|
|
|
|
I gave her one, they gave him two,
|
|
You gave us three or more;
|
|
They all returned from him to you,
|
|
Though they were mine before.
|
|
|
|
If I or she should chance to be
|
|
Involved in this affair,
|
|
He trusts to you to set them free,
|
|
Exactly as we were.
|
|
|
|
My notion was that you had been
|
|
(Before she had this fit)
|
|
An obstacle that came between
|
|
Him, and ourselves, and it.
|
|
|
|
Don't let him know she liked them best,
|
|
For this must ever be
|
|
A secret, kept from all the rest,
|
|
Between yourself and me.'
|
|
|
|
'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the
|
|
King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'
|
|
|
|
'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large
|
|
in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
|
|
him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
|
|
meaning in it.'
|
|
|
|
The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an
|
|
atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
|
|
|
|
'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of
|
|
trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,'
|
|
he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
|
|
with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID
|
|
I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the
|
|
Knave.
|
|
|
|
The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
|
|
certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
|
|
|
|
'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over
|
|
the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of
|
|
course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he
|
|
did with the tarts, you know--'
|
|
|
|
'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
|
|
on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE
|
|
HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the
|
|
Queen.
|
|
|
|
'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
|
|
as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
|
|
slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
|
|
began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
|
|
it lasted.)
|
|
|
|
'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court
|
|
with a smile. There was a dead silence.
|
|
|
|
'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
|
|
'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the
|
|
twentieth time that day.
|
|
|
|
'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
|
|
|
|
'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the
|
|
sentence first!'
|
|
|
|
'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
|
|
|
|
'I won't!' said Alice.
|
|
|
|
'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
|
|
moved.
|
|
|
|
'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this
|
|
time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
|
|
|
|
At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
|
|
her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
|
|
tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
|
|
head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
|
|
leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
|
|
|
|
'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've
|
|
had!'
|
|
|
|
'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her
|
|
sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures
|
|
of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had
|
|
finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream,
|
|
dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So
|
|
Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
|
|
what a wonderful dream it had been.
|
|
|
|
But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
|
|
hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her
|
|
wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and
|
|
this was her dream:--
|
|
|
|
First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
|
|
hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking
|
|
up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that
|
|
queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that
|
|
WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to
|
|
listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures
|
|
of her little sister's dream.
|
|
|
|
The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the
|
|
frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she
|
|
could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
|
|
shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
|
|
ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby
|
|
was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed
|
|
around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
|
|
Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
|
|
filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
|
|
Turtle.
|
|
|
|
So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
|
|
Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
|
|
would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the
|
|
wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling
|
|
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
|
|
cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the
|
|
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
|
|
knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing
|
|
of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
|
|
heavy sobs.
|
|
|
|
Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
|
|
would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
|
|
keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
|
|
childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and
|
|
make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even
|
|
with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with
|
|
all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
|
|
remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
|
|
|
|
THE END
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
End of Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
|
|
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*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
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